The thing is, it's all beautiful...

Friday, my joy came rushing back.  It's been nine months, and I have been patiently waiting for the grip of grief to loosen... for the joy that has always marked my spirit to find its way back to my days.

That morning, I opened my eyes, and felt it.  I must have giggled and laughed and smiled more on Friday than all the last nine months combined.  It was like drinking Living Water.  Friday afternoon found me out with a friend for a two and a half hour break of laughter, story telling, and fun.  We laughed... a lot.  I felt "spunky" again.

I returned right on time, as promised for an appointment with my youngest - just "you and me" in the rocking chair.  It's his new favorite thing.  Which, in itself, is a huge success.  When we met him, he didn't know how to rock, nor did he care for any part of it.  Now, six months later, he's a rocking machine!

He'd had another one of those days... those angry, testing, pushing away, resisting love days... but he is beginning to crave the rocking chair, so as soon as I walked in the door, I hung up my purse and sat down - motioning him to climb in my lap.

He settled in and then began recounting his day.  "I was angry today", he said.

"I know, buddy.  It's okay", I responded.

"I don't want to be angry anymore.   My heart has all these broken pieces in it." 

"I know buddy".

"I wish I could just have Jesus with me all the time, and I wish He would give me a new heart, and I wish He could take away my anger".

Oh, Lord - my heart!  I've been praying for this day, when He would want to live his life for you.  So there we were, all snuggled up, when I asked him if he'd like to have all he had just wished for.  We got Daddy, and as we both laid our hands upon this small child, our son prayed... asked for all those things... and was received into the kingdom of heaven.

Then, with the faith of a child he asked, "Momma?  Can I ask God for just one more thing?"

"What's that, honey?"

"I want to see Jesus, right here in this room, I want him to show himself off to me". 

And so, I replied.  "Son, don't you know?  Don't you know that Jesus lives through Daddy, and through me?  Every time you are hungry and we feed you, every time we keep you warm, and care for you when you are hurting; every time you look into our eyes and see them sparkling right back at you, when you are angry and we scoop you up to rock you... that's Jesus... right here in this room - showing himself to you."

"Momma?" he said, "I knew you guys were the good people".


So, even though we are far from "done" on this road to healing, even though there are tough days ahead, the fact is... it's beautiful here.  It's all so beautiful... and I'm back.  My sunny heart is back, and it's shining Jesus all over my home.