The Nursery...

I know I've been MIA.  I should have let you all know where I was "going"...

A few weeks ago, I decided to re-do the girls' bedroom.  I had never planned on it being home to FOUR little girls, so we were just using bedding "here and there" to keep everyone warm at night - nothing matching, or even coordinating.  For some of you - this will bear no consequence... others will understand when I tell you it grated on my spirit every time I went to say goodnight.  And even though the room was now home to only three girls - we could NOT have an unmatched bunk up there on the right.  That would never do!

So I set out to find matching bedding I loved that I could also afford for four twin beds; after all was said and done I tallied it would be at least $400 - and that was for Target and Walmart!  I quickly decided to bring the dream into a reality would require some serious DIY.  Especially since I have never sewed bedding before... but necessity IS the mother of all invention... is it not?

Shortly after beginning my bedding, I felt my heart beginning to hear that Quiet Voice directing me back to considering once again parenting our dear one that had just left us weeks prior.  My heart wasn't ready to "dive in" so to speak - not in the least - but I felt the call none the less, and knew that I had to say "yes" if ever they were to ask.

It wasn't that I hadn't over and over wanted to go and get her - hold her in my arms and commit to walking through the healing process once again... it wasn't that I was afraid of hard work, or days of raging... no I'd done that all before; I know the value of that journey...

It was that I did not know how to help her.

And now, looking back, I can see how He prepared me.  Other foster and adoptive friends supplying me with books, videos, before I even needed them.  Offering support and teaching me just what I would need to know...

And after I said "yes" to that Quiet Voice, a strange thing began to grow in my heart.  A love for this child like I'd never known.  A certain knowing that she is to be mine, that this IS my task, and no one else's.  That to turn my back on this child would mean missing out on one of God's greatest gifts in my life.

It was after this longing had grown in my heart that the phone rang on a rainy Wednesday afternoon.  "We know it's very soon to be asking you this... but she doesn't ever ask for her Mom or her Dad - it's just you... all she wants is you... would you consider having her back?"

Do you even need to ask how we responded?  My sweet husband and I already knew we could say "yes", trusting that He would supply us with all we will need.

Then I began to sew with such fervor!  This intensity in me, surprising me with how intent I was to complete this bedding... to see this room come together... "Lord?  What is this about" I asked.  And I heard Him answer me, "You dear, are making a nursery".

Yes! That's it!   The last time I felt this intense connection to any decorating project came as I carried each of my children in my womb... prepared for their arrival with such care and devotion and careful attention to detail.

I don't know how long she'll be here... I don't.  Most likely it won't be long at all, there is a Daddy waiting in the wings - a good Daddy waiting to take her home.  But until such time as she goes home to him, or home to her mother once she's healed... she will be mine.  She is to be mine.

And Courage has come.  To dive right in there, to get right in that mess of brokenness once more and help this daughter of my heart find her way out to the Light.

So I've been MIA.  My Man built this dear darlin' a brand new bed, one that will match our daughter's ~ hopefully to show her that we love her "this much"... and I'm STILL sewing up a storm, in the hopes of completing this "nursery" of sorts in time to welcome her when she "comes home".  For if we are to help her heal... we're going to have to start at the very beginning... and what better place to begin than in a beautiful nursery, prepared by an expectant mother?

My baby is coming home...