I believe with all my heart that God has given these little babes to US to care for, for as long as they need us - and it is only our job to complete. If I believe that He has sent us out on this journey, then I can know that He will supply everything we need to complete it. Certainly He shall supply our every need to carry out HIS will. I have peace there in that thought.
And so why do I marvel when He comes to breathe new life into the two of us? Why am I amazed at His faithful hand, His timely arrival, His every good thing we need to complete this journey? Sometimes we remember to ask Him, and sometimes He surprises us with just what we need when we are still unaware of our own deficiency.
I didn't even know how depleted I was yesterday. Had no clue, really. Until I stumbled across a friend's doorstep, to return an item, was whisked inside - talking of quilts and granola and kids and sprouted wheat and nothing and everything and when I left... I realized "I am new!". He knew I was lonely - met me in that place with a silly, witty, funny, caring, loving friend to give me a bit of respite for a tired out Tuesday.
We have been waiting for reimbursement for a few very large items - totaling over $2,000... quietly waiting and knowing God would sustain us until it came - knowing we were right up against a deadline... and here it came today... with a phone call that it is now "on it's way". Why did I marvel at His timing? Why didn't I rest knowing He had it all taken care of? Isn't He wonderful? Can't you see?
I asked the Lord for a safe, Christian, Loving, Predictable, Perfect (is that too much to ask for) home for our girls - a licensed foster home so that David and I would be assured of "rest for the weary" in the coming months with the girls (as it is now they can only go to a non-licensed home for 24 hours) and our very dear friends (safe, Christian, loving, predictable, PERFECT) called today to let us know they were going to become licensed for us. . . they are going to walk with us on this journey... with the girls. This is so very beautiful to me. That would lay their lives down for us in this way... beautiful indeed.
Every so often the day crashes down, and I am immersed in quieting heaving chests of sobbing, holding grieving heads, soothing angry hearts and nothing else is accomplished. And I'm learning not to fear even this - for it doesn't escape His sight - and He sends Help... and that's the day the phone rings and a message is left (I never get to answer the phone anymore) that dinner is coming.
Lord, I said, I'm going to need some direction here - for unraveling all this brokenness that is manifesting itself so differently in all these little babes. And He brings me another Mommy from our homeschool co-op to "happen" to sit by me and give me the EXACT piece of information I needed. She's walked this road before me. I allow myself to look into the healing faces of her children and KNOW I have found what I need - this is from Him.
This weekend promises to be one of renewal for us. It is coming (do I even need to say it) at "just the right time". My co-laborer and best friend and I are going to hold hands, and speak uninterrupted words to each other, and look longingly into each other's eyes. And we're going to hang on tight to each other and remember that it's His journey and we don't have to be afraid - because He will supply all we need on this journey, His journey.
I will be, I will be,
I will be strength for the journey.
I will be, I will be,
I will be strength for the journey.
1. There is a road meant for you to travel.
Narrow and steep is the shepherd’s way,
and as you say, "Yes,"
letting me guide you,
I will be strength for the journey.
2. There is a cross meant for you to carry.
There is a cross meant for you alone,
and as you bow down
in humble surrender,
I will be strength for the journey.
3. How many times have you doubted my word?
How many times must I call your name?
And as you say, "Yes,"
letting me love you,
I will be strength for the journey.
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