Oh No, We'll Never Let Go - Part One

This post is mostly for those of you in the trenches, doing the work of loving on those little ones "from the hard place", however, if the following is not your current reality, I invite you to read on - as today was so much more than that.  Come celebrate with me...

Dear mother-friend of mine, I believe that this is the hardest thing you have ever done.  I believe that your life looks oh, so different than the one you dreamed of when you were just a girl, in your room, rocking baby dolls to sleep, and pretending to make dinner on plastic burners. 

If that's you... if your dreams are crashed upon the rocks of someone else's brokenness, then come with me to the reality of my "today".  Come sit with me awhile, and I'll tell you of the success of today, in the midst of the hard things, and the glimpse I saw of my son's heart, and the reality of the fear that still drives so many of his behaviors; how I fought a very long battle to keep his heart close to mine.

So many of our recent days together have been filled with our Jitterbug pushing away from the love, nurturing and connecting that I keep bringing into our relationship.  I am a relentless nurturer, pursuing my son with all that I have to bring to the table.  Humor, silliness, tenderness, love, gentle touch, smiling eyes, song, and so many more "horribly scary" (to him) actions. 

I've been "loving strong" lately, and frankly, it's freaking him out.  He is beginning to feel a sense of connection to me, Mommy #4, and his old tapes in his head are telling him plainly "we are in immediate danger".  This is his very reality, and studies show kids from these hard places absolutely believe they have kept themselves alive through maintaining power and control at all costs.  Simply put, if they were to give up that control, they would surely die.  He fights this hard, because he is so afraid that if he lets us lead, he will die.  We believe if we don't fight for his heart and win, he will never truly live.

 

Today, I thought I'd begin with a simple direction to assess our small son's level of cooperation.  This would be a good indicator of if we should venture out in public or stay home today.  I asked him to sit on a chair for one minute, and place his hands on his knees.  The reason I gave two directions (where to sit, and what to do with his hands), is so I could see if he was really "on board" with obeying.  We're learning he can sometimes conceal his true rebelliousness through the morning routine, only to take it out and display it for all to see at random places, such as the store, post office, library, church service, etc.  Our goal is to only venture out in public together if his heart is ready to follow joyfully.  This is saving us from so many unnecessary embarrassments, and is keeping his ability to seek power through public displays of anger to a minimum.

After today's battle, I'm so very grateful God gave me the idea to test our Jitterbug's heart in this way.  I could have had a real "experience" at Winco I would not have soon forgotten!

(See "Oh No, We'll Never Let Go - Part Two")