Oh No, We'll Never Let Go - Part Three

(Continued from Part Two)

I continued helping my "fussy" baby boy, rocking, singing, stroking his face as he screamed and yelled "I do not want to be close to your heart!!!" and rocked while he blurted out, "I CANNOT love you!!!" 

Then, after over 4 1/2 hours since the beginning of our morning, it happened.  He let go of it all.  The tears began to flow, and in the privacy of our empty home he began to tell of the "bad things", and the "sad things" he's been hiding inside.  All those years of neglect, and all those years of fear, and he began to trust me enough to hand them over to me. 

When he was through, I asked him if I could pray for him.  He nodded in agreement, and as I was asking God to take away the memories (thank you, Beth, for the idea!) of all those horrible things, I heard a tiny little boy voice begin to bring his heart to God.  My little son trusted me enough to bring his brokenness to God, while he was holding my hand.

Soon he was asking God to take away the anger, and give him joy... he was thanking God for a Mommy who would not let go, and wasn't angry, wouldn't hurt him, and didn't yell.  And then we sang together and read together and I let him just stay and rest with me until he decided he had had his fill. 

An hour and a half later(!), he was ready to get up.  But not before requesting "his song" I made up for him.  Then, after I had gotten done singing that one, I heard that song come to my mind, the one from the radio... and I sang it to him.

"Oh no, (we'll) never let go, through the calm and through the storm, oh no, (we'll) never let go, in every high and every low, oh no, (we'll) never let go - no - (we'll) never let go of you!" 

And he grinned the widest grin... and his eyes were bright with love and happiness.  And I am amazed at how this is exactly how God loves us... he never lets go, we rage and scream, and throw stuff, and do it 'almost' right... we tell him "I CANNOT love you!", because we're so aware of our own need for real Love, and we're so afraid if we finally let go, and trust Him enough to care for our hearts, we'll die.

That's when I realized... I'm a "child from the hard place"... and I've got a Daddy in Heaven who will never let go.  He's with us, on this journey to walk the road of healing with our son, and he'll never let go.
*Edit: I must add here, that when I say I am a "child from the hard place", I mean all of us, each of the Sons of Adam, and Daughters of Eve, all... are a child from the hard place.  (My home of origin was a beautiful, sweet, oasis.  Just to clarify - and to honor the childhood my parents gave me.) <3

In case you were wondering, it took just one minute to complete the "one minute task" after we were done connecting and rocking.  Once that was done, he went to the laundry room to get a towel on his own, wiped down the couch, pushed in the chairs, and offered a suitable response to the broken toy.   Then, (don't pass out), he thanked me for helping him.  Keep going, my friends, my "mothers of children from the hard place"... it's worth it... they're in there... under all that fear.